Chris called. I heard my phone ringing, I rang down the hall -- and there he was. "Hey what's going on?"
That voice -- that cocky, arrogant voice. And I could have so easily melted into the phone hearing that voice. But I didn't. Certainly it was nice to hear from him. And of course, it was not a call without motivation. He needed dinner invitations for a work event. I've designed them for him in the past. Would it be too much trouble for me to do another one?
*Sigh* Of course not. I found the old file on my computer, he gave me the changes. I told him that I would have it done this afternoon or tonight.
He asked if I was still mad at him. I told him I was never mad at him. I needed him to know how I felt, I did, it's over. He joked that I'm not allowed to tell him how I feel, that's against the rules of our relationship. Which is very true. Sadly. But I held my ground. I told him he could pay for the design job with a gift card for a store or the mall -- that I was in desperate need of new clothes since nothing fits anymore.
It would be so easy to fall back into that habit of having him in my life. Too easy. Especially since the e-harmony thing has been so frustrating, and I have no idea where things stand with B. And this is what gets me into trouble.
Chris calls. And he's there, for the time being and on his own terms -- but he's there. And he gives me what I want, even if its temporary. I'm going to try to be strong. Keep this professional. Keep it friendly. And keep it out of the bedroom.
I made that promise to myself. And if I can't keep a promise to myself, how can I expect others to?
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4 comments:
Stay away from Chris. You are way above his level. Take back the pride and keep it. jrk
Amen to that. And I'll take that advice too....
JRK and JT -- I know, I know....and I remember how awful I once felt about him. I'll stay the course. The invitation is designed and done (it took me all of 5 minutes but I won't tell him that -- he can pay me for an hour).
Wheel Man, sounds promising. It's hard to get to know someone over e-mail...maybe ask her if she feels comfortable talking on the phone. Volunteer your number so she knows that you are sensitive to her safety needs.
And I know what you mean about the picture and looks...sometimes I feel like I'm still single because I'm too picky (shallow?). I hope things continue to go well with her.
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