Busy as a B

I haven't talked about B in a while -- because there really hasn't been much to talk about. Since coming back from vacation, I felt like that vibe that was there before was suddenly gone. I've chatted with him on IM sometimes at night or over the weekend, but that's about it. And then he's been immersed in this huge project at work, and I haven't seen him over the past two weeks. Until yesterday.

We had three meetings together, and in the first one (maybe the second -- they were in the same room), I caught him staring at me. And he knew that I caught him -- he got a little flustered and looked away. It was kind of cute. And then in our afternoon meeting, as we were walking out, I put my arm around him and said something about not having seen him in so long. He whispered, "you want to get a drink after work?"

So we met downtown at 5:30, at a great new bar, complete with leather couches. It was a Thursday -- it was fairly empty and very comfortable. We each had two beers, I rested my hand on his leg, he rubbed my arm. We talked about sex, we talked about families, we bitched about work and gossiped about people we didn't like. And then about 7:30, we went back to his apartment.

I try to play the "good girl" act at work, but he totally sees through it. As he was showing me his apartment, I purposely went out of order and walked into his office while he was expecting me to walk into the bedroom. We went into the bedroom last.

I sat on the end of the bed, just to see if it was comfortable. He told me to lay down, try out the full effect, so I did and he lay down next to me. We talked a little, and giggled, not knowing what to do next. I told him at one point that he just needed to kiss me. And then his little boy shyness came out, so I kissed him.

He told me he adored me (and what girl doesn't want to hear those words, which sometimes are better than I love you) and he needed to think about this, to make sure it wouldn't be awkward at work. He didn't want to ruin our relationship because they are so few people that he really enjoys working with. I told him that I wasn't looking for him to be my husband, not even my boyfriend -- friends with benefits was fine. I could handle it. He kissed my forehead and said, "Can we just lay like this? I need to think about it. You won't be mad if nothing happens tonight?"

I promised him I wouldn't be mad. I was slightly disappointed, but excited also. And confused. Assholes, I know how to deal with. Jerks, jocks, typical guy behavior -- totally predictable behavior for me. Sweet, respectful, honest -- I was at a loss. But we lay there for the next two hours, talking and cuddling. He rubbed my back and played with my hair (sigh, almost as good as being told that I'm adored). I rubbed his back and chest, and played with his hair (his unruly rock star hair).

He told me about his relationship with his father and mother, about his brothers, about his emotional childhood scars. I traced the scar on his eye with my finger and asked about it -- I had always wondered. He told me how awesome his mom is -- strong and nurturing -- and how he thought I had a lot of her characteristics.

And even though I just wanted to lay in his arms all night, I said I should go home. He walked me to the car, there was a hug and a kiss and a "see you tomorrow."

I called my friend Lesley, who was just as confused because she has about as much experience with nice guys as I do. But we decided it was a good night, and so I went to bed happy (a little frustrated maybe) but happy.