I had a nightmare last night that I overslept and missed my hair appointment for the party. Also left my dress in Ithaca -- the party is in Syracuse. And when I arrived at the hotel, after 6 without a dress and with bad hair, all of my family was on time for family pictures, but they were in their regular jeans and t-shirts because they "decided that we could do pictures later."
Two years of planning and it comes down to being able to get through this week. There is nothing more I can really do. Except wait and then be busy with last-minute stuff. I'm making lists and piles -- it is the only way I can maintain some control and feel organized. This is what brides must go through.
I have a board meeting tonight, at 5:30. So I won't be able to go to the gym. I didn't go on Friday, so I made myself get up at 6 and be on campus, in the gym and on the treadmill by 6:35. No small feat. But I did it. And I did about 40 minutes of cardio. It was hard to not keep watching the clock, figuring out my showering time, getting dressed, moving my car and what time would I be at my desk. Hence, only 40 minutes. But better than nothing.
I feel a little better about the B situation, but not completely. I need some attention. I need to feel wanted. And I needed the quickest way to get over having a date for two days and then suddenly not.
I called Chris. I'm weak, I admit it. But I feel as though I was in complete control of the situation, something that wasn't always the case.
"I need to see you. When will you be down this way?"
I think he was taken aback. "Wasn't I banished?"
"You weren't banished. I was mad at you. You hurt me. I told you. It's over."
"I was banished."
"You weren't. And you're not going to make me feel bad when you were at fault."
So he changed his tactic. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"A girl has needs. You tend to fill those needs quite nicely."
I think he was actually speechless. "Oh really?"
"Yea, I'll admit it. I'm using you for your body. And don't think that you don't have a lot of making up to do for your last performance."
He'll be in Ithaca tomorrow. We're meeting at my house for lunch. I was contemplating a massage before the party to help with the stress. This is much easier. And free.
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3 comments:
HOLY CRAP! Do not be like me Ellie, do not. He's worse than Scott. He's worse because he's nice and kind and all those other wonderful things that make you fall for him. Scott is mean and selfish. Chris is nice and selfish. It will only feel good for a little bit. (Okay maybe longer than a little bit). But I was so proud of you for doing the one thing I couldn't do. Even now when he is telling me to tell him to leave, I won't because of some flawed reasoning that says that since he is the one who is wrong he should be the one who ends it. Okay now I am making my own blog. Either way, I can't say I don't understand completely, I am just afraid of the door this opens. I thought you had gotten out, gave hope to the ones who were still stuck in this idea of "maybe this is all I will ever get, maybe this is all I deserve." You stood up and said, "hell no, I deserve more...I deserve better." And when you said it, I believed it, not just for you...but for me too.
Nooo! If I lend you Eric, will you stop this madness? Plus, it'll get him to leave me alone for a while. Hmmmm...
It's not free Ellie :(
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