It's not like I'm asking for a Kidney...just a little Kindness

The anniversary party is one week away. I've been so busy planning -- thinking about decorations and invitations and seating arrangements and family drama and placecards and the video and my Cal picture.....that I haven't thought about the actual party. The interacting with people that I haven't seen in years, who haven't seen my in years.

And then of course, there is the inevitable query, from someone of another generation, from someone who means well, but from someone who needs to be slapped: "is there anyone special in your life?" or some evil variation of that.

Over the years I've heard it from my mother (well documented here, I believe); and my great-aunt, "when will we see you in a wedding dress? you're getting up there, you need to find someone for security now, not love"; and even my own brother in a recent e-mail, "you dating anyone? (and expecting a yes as the answer) will we get to meet him when we're home for the party?"

Last night I was on the phone with my oldest niece. When I mentioned that I had just been to hear B play, she said, "you should invite him to the party next week." It's not like I haven't thought about it.

I posed the question to a co-worker this morning, who knows of the whole B situation and always works regulary with him. And before she could give me sound advice, she questioned me: "do you want him to be your boyfriend? are you asking him because you want him to be there and think you'd have fun with him? or because you want someone there? given his commitment issues, would he be okay with the role you're putting him in?"

Do I want him to be my boyfriend? No. He's not boyfriend material. We've established this. He has commitment issues, which he is all too willing to express (though one might think he doth protest too much). I don't want him to be my boyfriend. I do want to sleep with him.

Am I asking him because I want him there? Yes. Not only do I think I'd have fun with him, but I think he'd have fun with most of my family.

Would he be okay with this role? I think so. He's so hard to read, and mostly because he's so unlike anyone I've ever been attracted to. I would make it clear that this was a "friends only" thing. That I like that we've gotten back to normal, etc.

So can I actually ask him? I'm so funny -- in a weird way. I can be the most sexually aggressive person in most cases, but I'm freaking out about asking my friend to be my date for my parents' anniversary party. Freaking. Actually playing the conversation in my head and figuring out the best way to ask him.

I've IM'd him and said that he did a great job last night, and to let me know when he was back in the office, that I have a question for him. Then I'll tell him that I have a favor to ask, but would rather do it in person, can I walk over to his office for a few minutes. And then I take a deep breath, and take the longest walk of my life between two relatively close buildings.

My friend Erica said she asked someone to her prom. And it's the same thing. It's like, "I need a date. I'm not asking you to marry me or even go out with me. Just be seen in public with me for one night and pretend you like me." But boys are weird. Or we over-analyze their impending reaction.

Either way, everytime the little "returned from away" flag pops up on my computer, I look and see if it's him.