18,262 days of marriage

The party is tomorrow. My brother is on his way north from Richmond. My sister will be flying from the west coast at some point today, arriving in Syracuse near midnight. And I've been awake since 5:30 this morning, fretting about all I still need to do.

It felt like real "event panic." The kind I used to get before Babe's daughter was coming to town, before the Birthday Bash or Colts Reunion. The kind that wakes me up at an ungodly hour -- an hour that would never see me that wide awake and energized on any normal day. I flipped through channels at first before finnaly giving up on any sort of rest, and then got up and scanned my lists. I made piles of clothes that I need to pack. I went through my jewelry for Jenny to see if she wants to borrow any. I straightened my hair, even though I was only planning a ponytail today. And I've been at work, at my desk, answering e-mails and shifting paper since 7:20am.

Even though I'm working this morning, I feel like my weekend started yesterday. I left Ithaca at 2:30 and drove to Syracuse to babysit Ryan. What a sweet little bundle of love and hugs and kisses -- all wrapped up in his 20-month-old body. And being central New York and November, it snowed. As I was driving back to Ithaca around 8:30 last night, the snow was blowing directly into my headlights, not allowing me to see the white lines of the lanes.

I would have -- should have -- turned back around or gone to my mother's, sister's or brother's for the night. But honestly, I was too afraid to switch lanes. Once I got past Syracuse, and the infamous "snow band," I was fine. There was no snow, no precipitation to speak of. The roads were completely dry and the grass completely green. Twenty minutes of panic was worth sleeping in my own bed and being able to "do stuff" for the weekend at home.

And so my lists have been organized and condensed. My party piles are packed into shopping bags or gift bags. My clothes for the weekend are piled on my bed, waiting to be packed. And my dress hangs in the closet (dear god, do not let me forget my dress!). I have one meeting at 9am, and then I am going to the gym. To work off some adrenaline. To kill some time before my brother arrives in Ithaca. To tire me out so I get a good night's sleep tonight.

Tomorrow, we party. Until then, I'll think. And rethink the details. Over-analyzing everything to ensure a wonderful night for all.