I've got a secret...

Why are we reserved with people who know us best? Is it better -- or easier -- to open up to strangers? Is it our nature to be secretive? Does it add an element of excitement? Or is it based in insecurity?

I've had this blog for several months, have written significant life events and feelings and reactions related to those. And yet, this column (as I like to refer to it) has been my secret. Unintentionally at first. I wasn't sure how far I would go. How habit-forming and cathartic it would become. But then once I started and had been doing it for a while, it felt awkward to bring it up.

"Oh by the way, I've had a blog for the past 10 years," or something like that.

Perhaps I've been able to write unedited and completely open because I know that my audience is mostly strangers, mere acquaintances. Have I felt more independence in my writing because of that mere freedom of not knowing who was reading?

Will I feel judged now that I've shared more of myself with those closest to me? Will I feel exposed? A need to justify my actions, feelings and thoughts? I don't think so -- I hope not. Recently, I've given this URL to more people, widening my circle of readers -- and the response has been positive, so I've given it out to a few more.

Now I don't anticipate putting it on my business card and handing it out at the next family gathering -- those are some of the people who are better off never reading this! But I do feel more comfortable expressing myself, exposing myself, if you will.

And maybe that's a step in growth, as well. And a step in accepting myself.