Sunday, October 09, 2005

If B Stood for Balls

I imagine the way a conversation might go -- if it were ever to take place:

"I told him (who? doesn't matter) that we had agreed to just be friends."

I'm surprised. "Oh? Really? I don't remember having that conversation." It sounds harsher than my normal tone. I'm glad.

"I just mean, that...after that night at my place..."

"Oh, when you said you needed to time to think about it, and then never got back to me. Oh I see I was supposed to take your lack of communication and understand exactly what you were thinking, what you feel about me."

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad. I'm never mad. Ok, maybe I am, but mostly at myself. Because I let myself get my hopes up, I let myself be excited about you. I went too far in my mind, made plans too far into the future. Here you were, a nice single man, interested in me. Asking me out, asking me back to your place. But you said you needed to think about it, and then you didn't act one way or the other, so of course, I should have just inferred, I should have just realized by you NOT getting back to me that you don't like me that way, that maybe you never did."

*******

Just once, it would be nice to just hear the truth. No bullshit. Just..."ya know, Ellie, I was thinking about it. And I do adore you, so much that I can't risk us hooking up and ruining what we have, and you deserve better than just a hook up, anyway."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you need to let this one go... he's in your head which is the worst place you can let the wrong person get.

ellie said...

Ya know what? You're right. It's time to move on.