Is this really October?

It must be, because the play-offs start today. In fact one game is underway. Nothing better than games starting at 1pm and lasting all through the day. Nothing better, that is, unless it's October 4th, in upstate New York, and it's almost 80 degrees outside.

I just went for a walk across campus. The trees are just starting to turn, little hints of orange and gold; the sky is perfectly blue, with little bunches of clouds; and the lake is glistening. It was nice to get outside, out of the air conditioning (I've had my space heater on in my office all summer!), and into the fresh air. Hope and I walked the long way around campus, dropped off a proof at Career Services, mailed the anniversary party invitations (how exciting it will be when I start getting RSVP's!), and then picked up something at ITS.

As we were walking out of the ITS office, I said "let's go back outside."

"Are you sure?" I knew what she was asking. If we stayed inside and walked down the building, we would have walked by B's office.

No hesitation. Outside. I had some sort of realization -- and I'm not exactly sure when -- but I said, "if he wants me, he knows where I am."

And Hope nodded, and said, "Exactly, and I'm not saying another word."

So, in my moment of clarity, walking past the pink flowers around the flag pole, looking out onto the sparkling lake -- he knows what I want, what I'm willing to give. He's the one who initiated us going out. He's the one who pulled the plug. I'm not saying he's completely in control -- but I can't control him. I can't urge him to do something. Nor can I wait around, wondering what he's going to do. If he's going to do...

And so, I'll enjoy the sunshine for the next two days, enjoy the warm weather, before it goes away for six months and keep doing what I'm doing.

Working on me from the inside out -- making my outside as beautiful as my inside, and believing everyday that my outside and inside are beautiful. And maybe someday, someone else, whoever he may be, will believe in my beauty.