The Up-date

I had my date yesterday. I drove to Rochester, when really, all I wanted to do was stay in my pj's. I took special care to blow my hair out and straighten it with the iron; I put on a little extra make-up, lipstick and gloss. I had washed and dried my good jeans the day before so they weren't stretched out and fit well.

My hair looked great. My make-up looked great. I looked damned good -- which I don't think about myself very much. But I did.

I got to Rochester a little early and went to K-Mart to buy some birthday cards and wrapping paper, and then headed over to Uno's, still about 10 minutes early. I went to the ladies room and when I came out, I saw him sitting there. I wasn't sure it was him, but he was about the right age and alone, by the hostess stand. I sat. And then he said, "Ellie?"

I turned and smiled. "Hi, Will?"

We got to our table and started talking right away. The conversation was easy -- he's a sports fan, and I have great stories about my former job. He used to work in politics, so it was interesting to hear about his experiences on the Kerry campaign. We ordered lunch -- is it sad to say that I was most excited about getting my favorite salad, not having an Uno's in Ithaca.

We talked easily about sports and politics, not venturing far from either. He paid, though I tried to pay for half, and then we opted to drive both cars across the street to the movies. "Firewall" (Harrison Ford, Paul Bettany) was starting in 15 minutes -- we decided on that. I paid for the movies.

After the movie, we walked out to the parking lot. I said I had a good time, thanked him again for lunch, and then he said, "may I see you again?" I said sure because I wasn't really sure what to say, and he said he'd call this week.

I'm guessing that you've already figured out from the very stale description that it wasn't a rousing success. It was fun in a very safe and boring way. There was no passion in his voice; I hoped getting him to talk about the campaigns and politics would bring that out. It didn't. He was very benign, there was really nothing spectacular about him. There wasn't anything dynamic about him.

He wasn't attractive, at all. And I hoped that his personality would dazzle me into looking beyond that. I've certainly been attracted to men who weren't conventionally handsome, but their personalities won me over (J of Baltimore is a perfect example). This didn't happen.

Do I expect too much? Maybe I do. I certainly wasn't expecting to fall in love; but I was expecting to make a connection of some kind. And I do expect some sort of excitement in someone's personality, something to grab my attention. I was very aware of giving him equal time -- asking him questions, giving him the "floor."

And then there's the thought that has actually been bothering me quite a bit since I left Rochester, while I drove home, while I watched TV and even as I tossed and turned worrying about work (that's another story) -- am I shallow? Was he really a nice guy, with a great personality -- but I couldn't see that because I couldn't see beyond his less-than-stellar looks? I honestly don't think so -- I believe that I went into it with an open mind and tried to extract the real him. And I think I got it.

Unfortunately, it's just not for me.