What Does it Mean?

It's Valentine's Day. Just another day where I'm hopelessly single. Some of my married friends grumbled right along with me this morning. It's a Hallmark holiday. It means nothing. Just another day. blah, blah, blah...

I'm grumbling because I'm single, because I want a valentine. They're grumbling because they've let the commercialism of the day, or their hectic lives, or their own cynicism get to them. I'm sure that when they were dating, in the early passionate throws of their relationships, they did up Valentine's Day. It doesn't have to mean tons of money on flowers and candy and gifts and dinner. It should a gesture, a little something special -- I, for one, would make a special dinner, or a favorite dessert, a handmade card.

I was grumbling this morning because there were people in the office who did get flowers. Bright and early -- I had turned on the computer but was visiting in another office, no work started yet -- the delivery man made his way downstairs, not once, but twice.

Flowers would have been nice, but it was time to get some work started. So there I sat, working diligently on the commencement website, when the phone rang. An outside ring.

"Hey," came Chris's familiar voice and oh-so-familiar greeting. "I didn't want you to think I was a jerk, so I called to wish you a happy Valentine's day."

Sigh. I never called him a jerk, I just never said he was this sweet. He's not supposed to be this sweet. Wasn't I just saying, didn't I just write, about the emotional distance between us, that protective barrier that we both have? I'm trying not to think about what this means. Because, frankly, it can't mean anything. I can't allow him in, emotionally, because ultimately he can't deliver.

So I guess the lesson I take away from this, the lesson I actually just learned several hours after I started writing this post, is that he is my friend, and he knows me better than most people, and he knows I hate being single, especially today, and so, as my friend, he called me.

I wouldn't have come to that realization if I didn't just come back from a meeting to a voice mail from my friend Ed (married, one kid, also knows me better than most) who was thinking of me today and who I haven't talked to in ages, but who called, just to say he was thinking of me, and oh by the way, happy Valentine's day.