Hallmark Friends

I've lost one of my friends. I don't mean that she's literally lost, or she's passed away. Only that time and geography have drifted us apart from one another. The irony is that I think we were closer when I lived in Baltimore than now, only a mere 90 minutes away from each other.

We used to e-mail each other at least a few times a month, occassionally we'd talk on the phone. I've been in New York for nearly two years now -- and I've seen her only once. Now granted, I've not seen many of my other Rochester friends more than two or three times, but with her, its different. I talk to them, I e-mail them -- and I get a response back.

I could make more of an effort, certainly. I could try harder. Hell, I could even pick up the phone and shoot the shit with her. But something holds me back. And I think that thing, that thing that holds me back is that I have tried. I've e-mailed her specifically, when I heard a song that reminded me of her. Last month, I sent her a page from my page-a-day desk calendar -- Lady and the Tramp -- because she loves that movie and always had me save those pages for her when we worked together. I never did get a response. I wasn't even expecting anything other than a "thanks for thinking of me" in return. Because I did want her to know I was thinking of her, that I had been thinking of her, and missing her.

And certainly, I've included her on joke emails, or funny little links to this and that. And yet, I've heard nothing. We're all busy. We all have our own thing going on. I understand that. But I've always been one to think that you should never be too busy for your friends. You should never let life keep you from staying in touch with people you care about.

I've been in this boat before with her. Last Christmas I didn't receive a card from her or acknowlegement of the gift I sent her baby. It hurt. So after hemming and hawing and being frustrated, I sent her an email, asking if everything was okay between us. I didn't bring up the gift, because I didn't want to be accusatory, give her cause to be defensive. She insisted that she sent me a card, was I sure I didn't get it? Yes, I was sure.

And then that was that....we did the birthday greetings with each other in the spring, I sent her an anniversary card in the summer. Maybe this is the way it will be between us, we've become "greeting card" friends, the kind you only hear from or communicate with on birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

I'm not sure where to go with this -- or what to do. I guess, I'll just carry on. Include her in e-mails, send her a note now and then when something makes me think of her, and try not to let it hurt. Maybe someday we'll rediscover our bond, rediscover that closeness we once had. And I guess even being "greeting card" friends gives us that opportunity, gives us a better chance of once again being close.