The Mind is a Funny Thing

The other day, I felt blah. I felt tired, like I wanted to sleep for several days. And I felt out of control. I couldn't stop myself from eating everything in sight, and knew I was in trouble when I busted open the bag of chocolate chips.

I don't know if it helped to confess this out of control feeling, that I was unmotivated, that I binged -- alot -- but for whatever reason, it did. I told my closest friends at work. And I told my trainer on Monday at the gym. She said we'd work at it Wednesday night when she was in. Tuesday, she e-mailed me and said that her volleyball practice got canceled and she'd work out with me that night. Ninety minutes later -- of gruelling cardio, weights and abs -- and I have my motivation back.

Yesterday, my body ached. It was sore -- every muscle. Today, even more so. But all in a good way. Last night, I was getting some frozen veggies out of the freezer and saw the half-eaten bag of chocolate chips. If my mind was in the same place it was just two days earlier, I would have dumped the whole thing in my mouth, without even thinking. Last night, I barely noticed they were there.

What is it? What is that trigger that seems to shut itself off and on? I can see how easily an eating disorder could get out of control, how that rational part of you understands that what you're doing isn't right, but there's nothing you can do to stop it or yourself.