The Return of B

Several years ago, I was involved in a mostly tame flirtatious work relationship with B. It all culminated with drinks after work, with my leg over his and him massaging my calf. We walked to his apartment nearby and lay on his bed. He rubbed my back. We talked, we flirted, we let awkward silences hang between us.

And finally, I said, "you just need to kiss me and get it over with, so it's not weird."

You know that sound effect they use in movies and television shows, a needle scratching a record to show something abruptly coming to a halt. Yea, that could have been the noise I heard right after I said what I did. Suddenly he pulled his hand out from under the back of my shirt.

"I don't want it to be weird between us. I really like you as a friend, I wouldn't want to lose that."

"We wouldn't. Look, B, I'm very good at no strings attached. I'm laying on your bed..." He didn't move, so I took a chance and leaned up and softly kissed him. No response.

Suddenly, it was awkward between us. And continued to be. All of my guy friend, who I told this scenario to, said the same thing. "he's gay."

"He's not!"

"You were laying on his bed, offering yourself up with no string attached? He's gay."

We never got to be as close as we were around that time. Fast forward to the past few weeks. We've been on a search committee together, and there's been flirting. He moves his knee so it's leaning against mine, he leans into me, he's intense with his eye-to-eye contact.

At one meeting, somehow the conversation between the two of us led him to saying, "oh you think you could handle me?"

I put my hand on his arm, looked him right in the eye and said, "I know I could handle you."

"We'll see..."

"I'm not the one who said no when we were laying on a bed..."

His mouth dropped. "Oh snap, you're not going there."

"Yup."

Since then, it's gotten a little more intense. He's been more forward. And you know, it's fun. It's good for my ego.

He's always worn his hair long and shaggy -- something I hate and he knows. He got it cut really short last week, and made a point of instant messaging me to tell me. When I saw him on Monday, he looked so handsome. I couldn't stop touching his hair and looking at him. And his ego loved it too.

I have no idea where this is going, if it's going anywhere. For right now, it's just fun.