Happy 4th of July Weekend

I saw Lucia on Friday afternoon, to get some advice and grounding about the upcoming family birthday party in Syracuse. I would be seeing more of my brothers and sisters, more of those I have felt hurt by for ignoring the email I sent a few weeks ago.

She made me realize that being inconsiderate is not the same thing as being malicious, which is how I was feeling. That is to say, I was feeling intentionally hurt by their actions. And I know that's not the case. She encouraged me to bring it up myself.

I told her I would try. And I kept in mind what she said. The afternoon started out a little strange, because I had not attended the 1st birthday party of my great-niece the day before. It was in Watertown, a four-hour drive for me. It would have been too much to do Watertown and back in one day, just to go back up for my great-nephew's birthday party the next day.

True, I could have stayed in Syracuse the entire weekend, but I had shit to do. I rely on the weekends to run errands, and clean the house, and give my brain a little down time, especially with all that is going on at work. And so I emailed my niece to say I couldn't make the party, would she be at Jenny's the next day, and that I would send my present with someone else.

So back to Jenny's on Sunday...there was definite weirdness and it could all been my projecting on other people, because it felt like an elephant in the room. I wanted someone to say something about it to me, but they didn't. They talked about it around me.

And my oldest sister, the grandmother of the birthday girl, barely spoke to me. I'm sure she was offended that I made it Andrew's party and not Lauren's. Again, I could be projecting, imagining, whatever...I stayed clear of her as much as possible.

I spent most of the day outside with my niece's sister-in-law and my sister-in-law watching the kids run through the sprinklers and play on the swing set. And when I got my courage, I did it. I did what Lucia suggested. And I said to Sally, "did you get my email a few weeks ago? About the adoption?"

"Yea, I'm waiting to buy raffle tickets because I want the September prize."

"Oh, I wasn't asking because I was worried about the raffle tickets, I just never heard from anyone. No one responded that it was great news or horrible news, so I didn't know how anyone felt about it...."

"Well, it wasn't a surprise, I knew you were adopting."

And just like that, the hurt dissolved. And what Lucia said was right...being inconsiderate, or even in this case, not realizing a response was necessary, is not malicious.