Happy Father's Day

I can say that without being too sad. Although I just read a heart-breaking account from another blogger I read and how she bought two cards for her husband for today. It got me to thinking about how my child -- whenever he or she arrives -- will most likely not have a father. It will just be the two of us.

Certainly, things may change. I'm certainly open to getting married someday, I'm just not counting on it anymore. I just hope that I will be enough. I will have to be, I guess.

I had a great weekend in Syracuse, with my niece and her two boys. Garage sale, playing outside, sunburn, hot weather, sprinkler on the gym set to make a "water slide," and lots of hugs and kisses. I can't wait for them to meet their new cousin.

Last Tuesday, I sent an email to the rest of my siblings. The rest of = those I'm not in touch with on a daily or weekly basis, those who I told I was trying to get pregnant and then never heard from again. Rather than giving them the courtesy and showing them the importance of their opinion or support of me by giving them individual phone calls, I sent one email.

As you all know, I tried for nearly three years to get pregnant. It wasn't in the cards, and after much disappointment, I've decided to move on. And knowing that my fertility issues were as serious as they were, I began the paperwork for international adoption as I went through my last year of fertility treatment.

As of May 17, all of my paperwork is in, my FBI clearance came through, and I am officially on a very long waiting list for a baby.

As you may not know, international adoption is extremely expensive. When it's all said and done, my adoption costs will exceed $26,000 (and probably be closer to $30,000).

The good news about the very long waiting list -- they are now estimating 16 to 22 months -- is that it gives me plenty of time to save and raise money. I am applying for adoption-specific grants, and my friends have helped organize a raffle as one fund-raiser, and we have just started selling raffle tickets.

If you are interested in helping sell some as well -- or just want to buy some -- let me know. Tickets are $5 each or 5 for $20, and the list of prizes for the monthly drawings can be found on the website I've set up....

Thanks in advance for your help.

--Ellie

I'd like to say that I'm surprised that I've heard from none of them. But I'm not. I wish I could say I wasn't hurt. But I am.

What I have learned is that I've realized over the last three years is that no matter how important family, friends are just as important, if not more.

Kind of a rambling post, I know. I'll try to have a more cohesive brain later in the week. Until then, happy new week.