Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Need Feedback

I'm interested in knowing your opinions on two things:

  1. IF, very big IF, the dating thing pans out, when do I tell someone I'm in the process of adopting?
  2. And....is it strange that I'm going to a baseball game with my friend on Friday night. My friend who is roughly my age, married, with two kids -- and the wife is not going with us. I am spending the night at their house, going to get there early enough on Friday to see the girls get off the school bus and hang out with them, but then it will just be him and me at the game.

    A friend asked me last week who I was going to game with and when I said my friend's name, she said, "his wife isn't going with you?" And I could hear the disdain, disapproval and judgment in her voice.

    So is it weird? Is it inappropriate?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

1. I think you need to tell sooner rather than later, but its not like they need to know the first conversation or the first date. Its just too big of a decision to not tell!
2. If his wife doesnt know about it, then its wrong. If his wife is upset about it, again...i think its wrong. But if his wife doesnt mind, and you dont do anything else but go to the game, then you're probably fine. I know that I wouldnt want my husband going to a game w/ another woman, but some people are different, and if you are close friends, then you're good.

Anonymous said...

1. No need to tell until/if it becomes serious. Or else he'll be scared off (thinking that you are including him in your baby plans or something).

2. I agree with the first comment on this one. If there's a chance you're going to make out at the ball game, it's probably not good.

Nancy said...

1. I think you'll know when the time is right. And you may meet someone with children from a previous relationship, which to me would be sort of the same thing.

2. If everyone involved is cool with the situation and you're not crossing any lines, then people who are being disdainful likely have their own issues or are being out-of-line judgmental. It doesn't sound bad to me as long as it's just going to the game. Don't drink too much and keep hands to self, and it ought to be just fine. :)

Anonymous said...

Damn, Nancy. Out-of-line judgmental? She asked for an opinion!

I didn't mean to sound disdainful, Ellie. And I wasn't judging you at all.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

With regards to the adoption, I do think that you need to wait until there is a seriousness between you and a new partner and not blurt it out on the first date. However, don't leave it too late, drop a few hints until you are ready to tell the person the whole story.

Re; the game - I agree with the first poster, if his wife doesn't know then it is wrong. If she does - then hey go - go and have a great time.

Anonymous said...

Knowing how your date went the other night, #1 is a moot point right now :) Is that a spoiler since you haven't posted yet?

As for #2, absolutely going to the game is fine. You've been friends with him for 10 years and you're staying at his house! So unless you're making out on your way home from the game, what is going to happen? As for your friend asking, I think you always want people to think the best of you, and when you got questioned on something, you suddenly questioned yourself, afraid of how other people (not just this person asking) would perceive you going to the game with him. I'm guessing there was a little judgment but not as much as you think.

Nancy said...

Anonymous, I was referring to the person in Ellie's post, not to you! :-)

YOG said...

DONT WORRY...DO AS UR HEART SAYS..U WILL BE HAPPY...NEVER CARE ABOUT ANYBODY'S FEELINGS UNTIL IT AFFECTS U...

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