I'm in the middle of my vacation and while I don't think I'm having doubts, I might call it cold feet. I'm reading books and magazines -- and they all reference the husband, the father, the partner. I don't have that -- I won't have that. I'm thinking about the baby, and day dreaming about it -- and more times than not, there's someone to share things with. But that's not the way this will be.
Everyone I know -- and everything I know is the mom, the dad and the baby. I know I can do this on my own. But do I really want to? If given the choice, I think I'd rather be married. Wouldn't I?
Can I go without intimacy and love? It's times like these that I feel like a little is better than none -- and I want to call Chris, I want J of Baltimore to want me, I wish I still had Bruce in my life.
I wonder why this has become my lot in life. Is it because I'm such a good friend, that I have all my love for my friends and family? Or am I'm being punished? Why is this my fate?
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