Mind Clutter

This will probably be long and rambling, with lots of things. My mind is racing lately, and for the first time in several weeks, my old friend insomnia visited last night. I'm hoping if I can get this all out here, it won't be on my mind later and I will actually be able to sleep.

Baby-Making Update
I think I'm in the middle of a normal cycle. I had awful ovulation pain yesterday, all the way through to my back. And today, I could have killed for chocolate. I will take all of that as a good sign, and after looking at the calendar and counting, all signs are pointing for my lady times to start about April 1, and the things I've been feeling the past few days are all consistent with where I should be in the month.

Which leads me to the other issue I'm having. For the first time in 18 months, I have no additional hormones in my body. And as much as I could have killed for chocolate today, kick it up a notch, and that's the way I'm feeling about sex. I need it. So bad, that I'm trying to figure out if I can't get it locally, who can I call and how far is too far to drive for a hook-up?

J is useless. Charlie is in Arizona until the weekend before Opening Day. I don't think E is a viable option. Chris is in California, though he may be home next week. I texted him last night, still waiting to hear from him. I'll keep you posted on the developments.

The Return of the PR Goddess
I've not said anything about the whole A-Rod and steroids thing, mostly because I don't think most of my readers are sports fans. But on the off chance that Woodrow is reading me, or some of you quieter folks will know what I'm talking about, or just for Bubbles who absolutely will know what I'm talking about, indulge me for a moment. I can't let this new Details magazine thing go by without saying something.

Supposedly he is paying some huge PR firm millions of dollars to handle his image. They were by his side for the Peter Gammons interview, they were prepping him for his press conference his first day at spring training, and who knows where they were when he thought it was a good idea to pose for these pictures and sit down for this interview.

When I was in Baltimore, I handled a few big public relations situations. Nothing to the magnitude of the A-Rod situation but to name a few -- a murder on the steps of the museum at 4am, calling out Barry Bonds to the national media for comments he made about Babe Ruth, executing a flawless Baltimore Colts reunion a month after Johnny Unitas died and not having it turn into the sequel of his funeral.

And so with that experience in mind, here is my quick list of advice for Alex Rodriguez:

* Stop doing interviews, stop posing for pictures. Your job over the next 12 weeks is to rehab your hip. In the process, we may be able to rehab your image.
* Stop dating publicly. Be more discreet in your public life. You can get laid in the privacy of your own home. No one needs to see you with bimbos at the bar or Madonna at the Kaballah Center.
* Spend quality time with your daughters. Take the older one to school. Pick her up. Read to both of them. You don't need cameras around for that. This is about you being a good father.
* Set up visits with groups at Boys & Girls Clubs, high school teams that are susceptible to steroid and drug use. Talk to them, honestly, about why you did what you did, what you hoped to gain and why, in retrospect it was a horrible idea. Don't give them cliqued lines. Don't say what you think people want to hear. Again, no cameras. This is about doing the right thing.
* Work with the Taylor Hooton Foundation as you promised you would in your press conference. Give money, make appearances that will benefit the foundation, create PSAs. Don't put out press releases about you doing this. This is about you being a good person.
* Reach out to your teammates, and don't expect anything in return. Think more about the team and less about your image, your numbers, your stats and yourself.
* When you return to the team in May or June, be humble. Be thankful for where you are and the talent you have. Thank your teammates for a good game pitched, for the key hit in the 7th inning.
* And when it is time to face the media, think before you speak. Think about what you want to say, and say it in 10 words, not 50.

Everyone's Pregnant
Well, not everyone. It just feels like it. And really, the only one that bothers me, is my niece.

My friend Melissa is pregnant. I've known since she took her HPT, because at that point, I was pregnant too. I was two weeks ahead of her. We joked about all the work that would pile up with both of us out on maternity leave at the same time. And yet, even though we won't be pregnant together, I'm so happy for her. Because she's been supportive, because she's been sensitive, and because I know she wants this for me as much as I do.

My friend Chris's wife is pregnant. And I'll be helping to plan the baby shower we have at work for him. He doesn't know what I'm doing, but if he did, he would be supportive and sensitive. Because he would let me know he's pulling for me.

My friend Lindsey is pregnant. I saw her on Sunday at the mall. And she told me, straight out. "I'm pregnant, and I've been wondering how to tell you and I just figured that I would just say it." And then she started to cry and she hugged me, and I cried. "I'm happy for you, I really am." And she knew I was. And she said she can't wait to be happy for me, because I deserve it.

And then there is Erica. My niece, whose baby shower next month, I won't be going to. Who called me the day after Thanksgiving to tell me she was pregnant, amazingly without even trying, and I've never even congratulated her. Not by phone, mail or email. And that's not me. I still send cards for no reason. I send cards for birthdays and as thank you notes. For new homes and new jobs, and especially for new babies.

But this time I couldn't, for all the reasons that I've spelled out in the past. And what amazes me is that it hasn't occurred to her that I haven't congratulated her. (My family works in such a way that I would have found out about it, I would have heard.) And the thing is, I really am happy for her. I'm excited for her to have this baby. I'm not happy about the way she told me, and at this point, I can't forgive that.

So maybe I'm bitter. Maybe I'm being overly-sensitive, but given that I'll be planning or attending at least three baby showers in the next six months and will be genuinely happy for the guests of honor, I don't think I am. I think what I'm doing is taking care of myself, and not putting myself in situations that I don't need to be in. What I need to work on is letting go of my anger towards Erica. And I will, but my emotions are still too raw.