And the Rest of the Week

My mother is driving me crazy. I haven't uttered those words in a while. She called me Wednesday, for her usual every-few-days check-in.

Then she called me Thursday. I ignored the call. I was drying my hair, after all. Then she called again, about 8:45. What if something was wrong? Well she would have called my cell, I reasoned with myself, but answered it anyway.

"I meant to ask you, what excuse did you give for not going to Erica's shower?"

"I didn't. I told Angie I wouldn't be there, but would send my gift with you."

"Oh....well, what should I tell them if they ask why you're not there?"

"Tell them the truth, tell them it's too hard for me."

"oh, okay...." and then because my voice was betraying my impatience with her. "Is everything okay? You sound stressed."

"It's been a really rough week at work, and I'm tired."

"Okay."

And then she called my sister-in-law in Virginia, who was smarter than me and didn't answer the phone. She called Debbie the next day at work. And again, Debbie, being smarter than me in these matters, let it go to voice mail. She left a message, almost in tears, that she was worried about me.

So Debbie -- again.....smart -- sent my mom an email:

I got your voice mail today. Unfortunately, I'm so slammed today at work. I'm not worried about Ellie. She has to have time and room to grieve over her loss and all the ups and downs she's been through this past year and a half. Some days are better then others for her. I believe she is actually doing very well. She is handling this the way she needs to. We email and talk all the time. She has some wonderful friends/coworkers that are a great support for her as well.

I know this shower thing with Erica has been weighing on her mind and she has handled it the best way she can. She doesn't owe anyone an explanation on her feelings. I know it's hard but we need to respect her feelings and accept how she handles it.

I think the best thing to do is to let her talk when she needs to and give her some breathing room when she needs that too. It can be tricky to determine when she needs what.

We have a pretty busy weekend ahead - I'll try to give you a call. Try not to worry to much about her.

I think that did the trick. I haven't heard from my mother in two days. And I know she's worried about me, but besides everything that is going on with me baby-related, I also work at a place where there will be lay-offs this spring, at a place where no matter how good I am at my job, the economy might prevent me from being as effective as I need to be. Got a few things on my mind, Fran. Relax, I'm not suicidal.

I had class #2 of foster care this morning. I still have the same feelings. I just don't know if this is for me. I need to talk to the social workers that run the class. I don't want to quit, I don't want to give up, but is it a waste of my time and theirs for me to be there?

I just don't know. I think I would feel better about it all if I were moving ahead with the doctor stuff. Only a few more weeks. Patience is a virtue, after all.