Baby Eggs

Baby, like little, not baby, like...well....baby.

I went in for my ultrasound this morning and I have two egg follicles on each side. Unfortunately, they are all two small to even think about doing the IUI tomorrow. One of the midwives did the ultrasound, which was actually very nice, because she explained everything in way more detail than the regular technicians.

She explained that my follicles are all about 10 or 11 (whatever unit they are measured in), but they really need to be at least 18-20. So there I lay, on the table, legs in stirrups, vaginal probe probing, trying not to cry. Trying not to think that my body is failing me, that something that billions of women's bodies have managed to figure out how to do, mine has not yet figured it out.

Of course, there were encouraging words from her and from my nurse practitioner, and this does not mean that this month is another off-month. Because the follicles only grow 1 to 2 each day, I'm scheduled to go back in on Tuesday for another ultrasound. If even one is in the 18-20 range, then on Wednesday, we'll try the IUI again.

I've thought again, how in the grand scheme of things, this process has not even been a year and I know couples struggle for years and years to try to have a baby. I know that there are people much worse off than I am. And tomorrow, I'll think about that and remember that I still have options and I still have hope and that I'm very lucky.

Today, I just want to feel sorry for myself and mope and cry. I did make it into work, though I'm not sure that I've accomplished a whole lot. I have a meeting at 2:00 and then I'm heading home to my couch for a nap.

In the words of Katie Scarlett O'Hara, "tomorrow is another day."