Tomorrow I go in for my blood work and by tomorrow afternoon, I'll know if this insemination worked. I told my mom that the test wasn't until Monday. Last month she knew the exact date of the test and drove me crazy in the days leading up to it. When I told her it was Monday, her response, "oh...I thought we'd have something to celebrate on Sunday."
I can't help her deal with her disappointment when I'm dealing with my own. And I don't know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings.
So tomorrow it will either be....
Oh my god, I'm pregnant. Finally. It worked. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be someone's mom. It was worth the frustration, the emotional roller coaster, the hormone shots, the weight gain, the drives to Horseheads every two weeks, the ultrasounds, the blood work....it was all worth it.
OR
I'm not pregnant. Again. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I know it takes time. I know that there are people out there who have tried to get pregnant for much longer than me, who are still trying to get pregnant. Two weeks ago, I was filled with hope, with the promise that this might take this time, and if it didn't, I can pursue the adoption angle a little more. Right now, there's no hope. It's all dark. It's frustrating and I want to know what I've done, so horrible, in my life, that I don't deserve to be this kind of happy.
I'm hoping for the first paragraph, but self-pity and crying on a Friday afternoon are just not my idea of fun.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment