...of being multiple people at work. I am chairing a search committee for a job search. I actually started to cry while on the phone with a colleague when he said he wanted to have all 50+ resumes read this weekend, so that we could squeeze the phone interviews and on-campus interviews in before I go on vacation next month.
Part of me was over-whelmed at the prospect, not at doing a lot of work over the weekend, but because I am already planning to be in the office for a few hours, and reading resumes is NOT on my Saturday to-do list. And then part of me felt guilty that I'm taking a vacation.
...of this eHarmony shit. Over the past three weeks, I have contacted 28 men. Twenty eight. I have heard from one. Really, I'm that repulsive? I am in need of an ego boost, which leads me to...
not having Chris as a back-up really sucks. Like really and truly sucks! When I'm feeling like this, I could always call him. I could always either have a very inappropriate phone conversation or get him to come visit me for a day. Both did the trick. Both made me feel good. And so without Chris, that leads me to...
I'm wishing to hear from J and trying to think of any excuse that I can contact him. Because if I don't have Chris, then J is the next best thing for my ego. I guess I was a little too harsh on him when I left him with blue balls in the nation's capital a few months back.
So without Chris, without J -- and I haven't heard from E in a week or so -- we have my work friend Jackson, who is very much like Chris. And that's probably the attraction. While maybe they couldn't be brothers, they certainly would have been fraternity brothers. And so with no Chris, I'm looking towards Jackson and thinking very bad things.
Can I really break my no co-workers (among other) rule? And I know what you're thinking, board members don't count. (It wasn't even a fiduciary board so I didn't count BB as a co-worker or even any sort of authority figure.)
So co-worker? Or continue to walk to straight and narrow? It'll be interesting to see the way it all plays out, that's for sure. Although it would be a whole lot more interesting if he weren't the only thing keeping my attention.
What happened to the days when I had E texting me during the day, J texting me at all hours of the night, and Chris on the phone? Or even me and Chris in Vegas, and E texting me from the east coast?
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What happened to the old days, you ask in your last line? I think you've outgrown them. You, or at least some part of you, knows that you're moving into a new and better phase when the attention of men isn't the only thing that makes your heart beat a little faster. You have new projects, new responsibilities, and a new trajectory (sorry--couldn't help it! ;-)). I know you could use some healthy distractions right now because everything is so heavy. But stay focused as best you can. Getting mixed up with "no-strings-attached" has a way of closing off opportunities that may arrive from elsewhere, if only because it takes the attention away from self-reflection and self-empowerment, which are two things that you need to reach your most cherished goals and two things that--perhaps unbeknownst to you because we don't see these things in the mirror--make you more powerfully attractive than any physical feature ever could. Give your friend the matchmaker a little nudge. Be patient with eHarmony and maybe widen your search profile a little bit. Stay positive. So much is in motion right now and the momentum is good. You don't need to get bogged down with the old as much as you may feel that you do. *so many hugs*
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