Oh No, What Have I Done?

I figured I have a long time before I get my referral. And we all know how I can tend to obsess and focus too much on one thing. So I need to do things for me. I can't be thinking, sleeping, and breathing this adoption. Not yet.

So I'm slowly getting back to doing good things for me. I only went to the gym one night this week, but I've actually worked out every night. I forgot how much I love walking near my house. I have a great hill nearby. And with work being so busy, I don't ever get to go outside during the day. So going to the gym right from the office -- not what I really want to do, stay inside more.

I would carry that attitude into the gym with me, and have no motivation. Monday, I didn't have my gym bag with me because I had been planning to go to Syracuse after work to see my mom (she had surgery last week), but she was being released from the hospital and sounded so much better than the day before, there was no reason for me to go up.

So I came home and walked. It was great. The endorphins carried over into the next few days and I felt like my eating was under control. Which made me feel like wanting to work out the next night. It was a vicious cycle, in only the best way. And, I stepped on the scale this morning and have nearly hit 14 pounds.

Again, more good thoughts to make me want to walk. So this week, five nights in a row. And eating when I'm hungry. Making good choices. Thinking about eating, not just eating. It's all good. Let's hope I can keep up this momentum.

Which brings me to the other part of my "focus on me" plan. I joined eHarmony. Again.

I know. I know. I said I never would again. But really and truly, I want to give this a go. And if by the end of the three months, nothing, then I am done and will continue to date married men. (Kidding!)

We'll see where things go.

My biggest conundrum is when to bring up the adoption thing? Not really first phone call conversation. Not really first date conversation. But what happens if I get too far in and then it's like, oh shit I should have told him months ago.

I guess I'll wait to see if I get past the first or second date. That would be something new with the online dating thing. For me, anyway.

I'm not telling anyone -- well I told Bubbles, and now I'm telling you all. God help me, what have I done?

This could end either very good or very bad. Stay tuned.