Cranky Monday

And I'm not sure why. I feel like crying. Or going back to sleep. When really what I want is to feel like working out.

I had a good weekend. I went to Syracuse and spent the night at my niece's. Yesterday was Andrew's 2nd birthday party.

I had been anxious about it earlier in the week, that my oldest sister would be there and I would have to hear about her daughter, who is due to give birth in the next two weeks. I think I've forgiven her insensitivity in how she told me she was pregnant, but I can't forget. And to hear people go on and on about it -- I wasn't in the mood. I found out Saturday night that she wouldn't be coming. She had to work all day on Saturday.

Maybe it was, not just being around little kids, but actually celebrating the anniversary of his birth. It could be that or it could be something totally unrelated. Like I'm just tired. Or my hormones are out of whack -- though I have been living with that for the past two years.

I feel like I did last summer when I thought an egg donor was my only option. My mind is swimming with all sorts of things and what if's. What if there is a better chance to get pregnant with an egg donor than with my own egg. Should I have just gone with an egg donor last summer, instead of wasting the time and money on trying to get pregnant on my own? Or should I have just given up and saved since last year and gone ahead with adoption? Should I try with an egg donor after my final IVF?

I don't know how productive of a day it will be at work today. I should have called in sick.