Oh wait....that's not it. I'm not in high school. I'm an adult. I'm in my late 30s. Or so I thought.
This morning I logged into Facebook to see that J had updated pictures. Of him and his wife and dog. Perfectly acceptable, I've seen pictures of both of them before. And then I noticed the background. Of a waterfall. Of this waterfall.
My waterfall. Twenty minutes from my house. I sat and stared in disbelief. The pictures were from the summer, but he never mentioned that he was here. Even after the fact.
Why post them now? Perhaps a little tete-a-tete to my FB status the other day. "Ellie is reminded that if he wanted it to happen, he would make it happen."
This from the man, who five years ago, when he was telling me about his upcoming trip to Italy with his wife, said he didn't know if he could do the whole Bridge of Sighs at sunset thing because I had just told him that was my romantic dream ever since I saw the movie "A little Romance" when I was 9.
And I pressed him on that, why not. And he took my hand and said, because I'd be thinking about you.
I don't even know what to feel, what I'm feeling. Bubbles told me I have one week to delete all contact information from my phone. "Pretend he's dead, oh didn't you hear, there was a horrible accident on 695 today."
I know that's the right thing to do. But I'm not ready for that. For whatever reason, I'm not ready to let him go. I know I just need to move on.
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1 comment:
Just insert my name and my "Big" in this scenario, that will make it easier.
Just because you let him go doesn't mean that you have to let the idea of something like him go. In case you need another movie reference. Remember in "You've got Mail" when Meg Ryan closes the store? "It's the brave thing to do. It allows you to belive that there is something else out there for you." Same with J. Letting go is the brave thing. And you are the bravest person I know. Who else is brave enough to go through what you have in the past year and a half??
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