A Little Bit of This, A little Bit of That

I got a comment from a new reader the other day, wondering if I wrote this for myself or my friends, noticing that I don't get a lot of comments. The answer....some of my friends read this, but I don't expose myself with this blog to too many people I know. I feel like I can be more honest that way. I mistakenly shared my blog a few years ago with some family members and then found that I was self-censoring.

And so I went over and then started over. It's a combination of closest friends and those I trust to never judge who read this and know me in real life. My other readers are just people who have stumbled across me. I would love comments, just to know if anyone agrees with me or to offer support, but I mostly write this for me. As a way to document the things going on in my life and to express myself.

I've said it in previous posts when I first started. I imagine myself a little like Carrie Bradshaw, trying to make my way through life, one column at a time.

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I was up way too early this morning, leaving the house before 6:30 and headed to Syracuse. It was snowing, not hard enough to be bad, just enough to be an annoyance. Not big flakes, but gritty, greasy snow. And it was dark, so it was hard to see the lines in the road.

I got to the doctor's office a little before 8, and then waited. At 8:30 I went up to the receptionist and reminded her that I had an 8:00 appointment. And then again at 8:45. I lost my patience (for me) and told her I was frustrated, that I still needed to drive back to Ithaca, that I had gotten up early to be here on time. And that immediately set me off into a bad mood.

I paid little attention in my appointment, did not engage with either nurse I saw. My lining looked good -- it's at 9mm. Much better than the 5.8 it was one week into my mock cycle. Ginger goes back on Friday and that's when I'll get an updated time line of what's happening with me in the next week or two.

I finally got to work about 10:15. And with a full afternoon of meetings, I knew that I was going to get little done today. Keeping me in my foul mood.

A co-worker asked me for advice, so I went up to her office and helped with her problem employees. We strategized a way for her to handle them, and by helping her, I actually felt better. Not 100%, but my mood had improved.

I had my first meeting at 1:00, and in there, realized that I would feel better if I called the doctor's office receptionist and apologized for being impatient with her. Between the end of my 1-2:30 and my 2:45-3, I called and talked to her. She was very sweet and told me I never needed to call and apologize, she felt bad knowing that it was snowing and that I had driven an hour to get there for my appointment.

I immediately felt back to myself. And while looking from the outside, I did nothing obnoxious or even bitchy, but for me, it was. I don't complain, and when I do, I certainly never take it out of a person just before she is in front of me. Not the waitress for bad food, not the cashier for not having something in stock.