The Bambino vs. the bambino

That's really what it came down to. My decision about Baltimore and moving back there. I thought long and hard. I woke up early thinking about. I stayed awake late thinking about it.

I didn't talk to a lot of people about it. Mostly because I knew they wouldn't make the decision for me. Or maybe because in my hear I knew what my decision was and I didn't want to be talked out of it.

Either way, this morning I called Mike and told him that it killed me to say it, but I couldn't accept the job. And then I started to cry. I told him that I needed to be where I had a strong support system, that I couldn't have gone through what I have over the past two and a half years without the support I have up here, and I'm still going through it.

And even if that all worked itself out, if suddenly I a baby was dropped into my lap, I knew what commitment the Museum needed from me five years ago, and I can only imagine the kind of commitment it would need now. And so it came down to the fact that I can't live, breath and eat the Babe Ruth Museum and be a mom. I can't work every Saturday, can't work six days a week in the office and seven days a week out of the office and be a mom, not a good mom.

He understood. He told me he loved me, that I always had a family down there, but he knows that it's not the kind of family I need right now.

I called Johnny Z after that and told him before Mike could. He took it well, and told me it was the right decision. That I needed to take care of myself first, and at this point in my life, with what I'm trying to accomplish, I can't give up the stability of working at a college vs. the instability of a museum that is always worried about cash flow.

I could have done great things there, but I know that now is not the time to go back and put my stamp back on that place. And once the decision was made, I don't feel bad about it, I'm not second-guessing it. And that, as sad as I am for some reasons, feels good.