My Infertility Headache is Back

I received the following email excerpt from my friend, who by all account I was thinking would be my egg donor. I can't comprehend it all yet. I'm numb. More tomorrow after I talk to the fertility guru.


I cannot tell you how sorry I am, but I don't think I can be a donor. At first I was just wondering logistically about where the nearest OBGYN office is, and the fact of dealing with Albany traffic and the hours' drive at a moment's notice, and that was just a concern. We know how my sister works, but when I talked to her about it and she just kept asking about how it should bother me having a biological child out there. In the circumstance of donating eggs to you, I really wouldn't think of it as my child at all. It would be yours. Coming out here, I can talk to my mom-in-law about anything, and she's a very liberal and modern thinker. So it exasperated me when, upon mentioning donating eggs, she instantly turns to Lily and says "You'll have half-siblings!!!" I didn't anticipate, as you have had to do, me having to deal with family member's opinions on it. I never thought of it as an issue, but now I know that I have at least 2 family members that would forever believe I had children out there, even that Lily would have half-siblings. That thinking really bothers me.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I hope you can feel that. I think that in the donor paperwork it should definitely mention talking to extended family members and their feelings; obviously it addresses the potential donor's thoughts so much, but I NEVER anticipated having family members who would stubbornly view the donation as giving children away or refusing to budge that if I don't think of the donation as giving away biological children or Lily's half-siblings, neither should they. It just gets me to the core. I know that you've encountered judgements in your pursuit; so I guess it just goes to show that everyone does along the way.

But please know that I am rooting for you all the way, I entirely regret upheld hopes and dropping them down. With all of my heart, I believe in the mother you have waiting to nurture your child, I believe that you have a child waiting to be in your arms, and I love you!