As I knew would happen, as I suspected would be the case, I woke up with my period this morning. The test on Friday night was right. I'm kind of numb but not surprised, I think because this time around, I knew the disappointment so as best I could, I kept my hopes in check.
I haven't told anyone yet. I don't want to say it out loud, I'm afraid that if I actually say it and hear the sympathy in the other person's voice, I will break. So I'm spending my Sunday keeping busy -- doing bills even though I don't get paid until Wednesday, grocery shopping, football and Law & Order marathon (thank goodness for picture in picture) -- and not talking to anyone. I know this can't go on all day, but I'm going to keep it this way as long as I can.
I know this is only my second try, but it is so counter-intuitive to everything we've been talk, everything we were brought up hearing. "Don't have sex -- even just once, and you'll get pregnant." They never tell you that the chances are so slim, the window of when everything is lined up has to be so exact...but somehow it happens.
And so I have to believe that it will happen, somehow, it will happen. For today, I get to be sad. Tomorrow, I'll put on my happy face and positive spin.
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